Today is day 14...today, we determine if my uterine lining is cooperating and this belly is ready for a baby. Today is the day.
This weekend, I met with M for coffee to talk about everything that has happened and how things will go on, now that she's not at the clinic. I'm nervous and somewhat scared but she ensured me that things will be the same, if not better. With that being said, that's literally all I'm nervous and concerned about. I have this odd sense of calm around me...I'm not stressing out, I'm not questioning the process, I'm not worried or scared about what will happen. I'm just ready. (Honestly though, I am a little nervous about these darn PIO shots. Out of everything that could happen, that's what I'm nervous about.) Anyway, I'm just trying to believe that all things happen for a reason, I don't have any doubts that we'll get what we need. I'm trusting the Lord that we are here for this reason, at the right time, and what He says goes. When it works, great....if it doesn't, it's not the right time. But, it is the right time... I just have this odd sense of "this is it."
So, here is an after the appointment update...
We found out that my lining is being some what sluggish or slow at developing. It was only at 5mm today and is not ready to accept a baby at this time. They wanted it to be over 7mm at this visit...The nurse said that she needed to talk to Dr. C to see what his thoughts were and most likely they will put me on estrogen patches to help speed up my lining thickness. I didn't think I was nervous or stressed out at all but I held back my tears and eventually started crying, butt-naked (from the waist down) on the table...I was just so "sure" before I got there that everything was going well but, I guess I got my hopes up.
I also found out this morning that my actual doctor is not even going to be doing our transfer...apparently, they rotate weekly and it's only by chance that our doc would be doing the transfer. If everything ends up going as planned, Dr. K will be doing our transfer and not Dr. C....You'd think they would let someone know this prior to even starting the process. Good Lord. Need any more stress added to the pot?
The nurse did tell me to keep following the timeline and that we just need to give my lining a little kick start. She still drew my circles for my PIO shots on my bum and will be calling this afternoon to touch base about the next steps. But, my heart was slightly deflated because I just want to be a mom and there are so many hurdles to jump over to even get to the point of trying. Then, I had to suck it all up, wipe away my tears and head back to work....lovely. AND I'm getting a cold...sore throat, stuffy head, etc.
But, as I sit here typing (instead of doing my actual job), at church yesterday, they sang the song that I posted once about before and it hit home with me, especially today. I just have to reiterate this for myself and for any of you out there questioning your path and what's to come in your life or what you have gone through this far...
In the process
In the waiting
You're making melodies over me
And your presence
is the promise
For I am a pilgrim on a journey
You will lift my head above the mighty waves
You are able to keep me from stumbling
And in my weakness
you are the strength that comes from within
Good shepherd of my soul
Take my hand and lead me on
You make my footsteps and my path secure
So walking on water is just the beginning
Cause my faith to arise, stand at attention
For You are calling me to greater things
Oh
how I love You
how I love You
You have not forsaken me
Oh
How I love You
how I love You
With you is where I want to be
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