30w0d: I don't love you like I used to...

As of last Friday, we are 30 weeks pregnant! So, today that would make us 30w5d. Only 9-10 or so more weeks to go unless this little lady decides to make an appearance earlier. But, we're ready regardless...I'm starting to get a little more uncomfortable. I swear it took me a good 10 minutes just to get my socks on yesterday morning. *OOF I tend to grunt and sigh often when I'm moving around and everything seems to just take more time or make me short of breath. But, I'm still feeling good...just a little funky at times so I just lay low and binge watch Ghost Whisperer when my hubby isn't looking.


We start our "Childbirth Prep" classes tonight -- we're doing the ones that are once a week for 4 weeks. I also visited the doc at 28w5d to take my glucose test and do my first 3rd trimester appointment. I was a little nervous and I think the doc thinks I'm a comedian because of the questions I ask. But, I passed the glucose test with flying colors (thank goodness!) and my appointment went well. He found the baby's heartbeat, 142 bpm; measured my uterus with a tape measure and I was coming in at 29w (right on target!); he also checked my cervix...once that was done, he told me I was "nice and tight." Ha! I felt a little funny, what was I supposed to say? "Thank you?" We go back to the doctor on the 28th and then after that we get bumped down to visiting every 2 weeks instead of every 3.


I keep thinking this is a dream and can't believe how far we have come...I know that's fairly repetitious of me (because I tend to mention it all the time), but honestly it's surreal. The more I think about what we've been through and how far we have come, makes me think deep again and be aware of how thankful I am. I read an article the other day that really made me look at my life and my relationships, particularly the one with my hubby. We've been together now for over 11 years, married for 4...when we first got together, things were so easy. I was healthy and had just kicked cancer's ass for the second time. We were in college, freshman's, starting a new adventure and ready to take on the world. Being in love was so easy, giddy, magical, romantic, fun...I never thought it would ever change. Of course, we went through our ups and downs...had our breaks and came back together. When hubby proposed and we were married, everyone who was anyone gave unsolicited advice about life, marriage, love (and they still do today about making a family, having a baby, etc.). I never took it to heart but did keep some of the suggestions in my back pocket for any potential future needs. It bothered me/us that everyone else thought they were the experts and knew all the right answers, or wrong ones. In this article, there was a couple who was given some "advice." Specifically, they were told the following, "I don't care how much you think you love each other now, just wait. You will look back one day and realize you don't love each other like you used to."


At first glance, you'd think this was absurd, rude...or at least I did. I was like, "What the heck?!" But, I kind of get it -- I get the advice this person/couple told these folks in the article. It was more about the process of marriage, of a relationship and what changes at each stage...from dating, to engagement, to marriage, to children, on and on and on. Life happens...and you don't know what will happen with it. Love changes as life changes...circumstances change, relationships change...you adapt over time. This goes for me and hubby. We never knew we would be going through what we are. We never knew we'd have to deal with infertility, loss, emotional ups and downs. We had to adapt to life's changes and so did our love. I love him not just for his good looks and quirky personality...it's more than that. I love him because he has stuck by my side from the beginning. When I come home from work and want to quit my job because I'm so stressed out, he holds me and helps me build a bridge and realize that life could be so much worse. When I told him we may never be able to have children, he looked me in the eye and said he didn't care because he loves me for me. When we went through the issues of my uterus not working and the doctors not being able to find my eggs/ovaries, he cried with me and let me know that all would be ok. When we had to find an egg donor and go through a genetic matching process, he held my hand and reminded me that this is our child regardless of genes. When we had to just deal with day to day grown up problems...bills, loans, chores...he has always been my rock.


In the past, I wanted to change my hubby's quirky little habits. I wanted him to be more excitable, more outgoing, more communicative. But, now, I look back and realize, I don't need that. I appreciate and am thankful for his cool, calm demeanor. He helps me relax and pulls me down off that ledge before I jump over into crazy town. We balance each other out so perfectly that I want to go back to all those people in college, who said we'd never make it, and tell them they were wrong.


I love my husband just as much as I did when we were married, but the love I have now is deeper, stronger and I love him for different reasons. Reasons that I never would have guessed when we first started dating, when we were engaged, when we were married...I don't love my hubby like I used to, I love him more and never will we ever love each other less.

Infertility: A Thorn in My Side

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." - 2 Corinthians 12:9


This post is deep for me...I usually don't go into the dark corners of my brain but at church this past weekend, we spoke of our weaknesses and how God uses these weakness to teach us lessons in order to help us grow and be better people. We were asked to pinpoint our greatest weakness and think about how God can use this weakness to make us better, wiser, deeper and stronger. 2 Corinthians goes so far to say, "I delight in my weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. For in our weaknesses and difficulties, God's power will shine through."


I asked myself what technically qualifies as a weakness, because I must have a TON. We tend to try and change our weakness whether they be emotional, physical, relational...we try to hide them from others because we are ashamed and embarrassed. They let us know that a weakness is any limitation that we wish we didn't have and that often times we can do nothing about. Lust, lying, overeating, over drinking, etc. are not weakness...but, physical limitations such as illness, hearing/eyesight issues, etc. are. Age is a limitation. There are relational limitations...spouses aren't supportive, troubled children, etc. There are also emotional limitations such as depression, anxiety, worry, loss of temper, etc. This is just pointing out a few...but, these limitations are what God has allowed for us, for whatever reason (that we probably don't understand...at least I don't).

This resonated with me and all that kept creeping into my mind was cancer and infertility. These are my greatest weaknesses. From a more overall perspective, illness is my greatest weakness. Our culture makes us believe that we have to do things and conquer all odds alone. From the ripe old age of 16, I cried out to the Lord and told Him that I can NOT do cancer on my own. I can not conquer this burden alone and asked him, "WHY ME?" I wished I didn't have my illness and wanted to change it all. I pleaded with God that he would take this illness away from me...it was a "Thorn in my side." But, if God's power shows up best in our weakness, why would God take it away?


With His help, we conquered that battle yet to find another one He had placed in my path. Infertility. Again, a limitation, a weakness that he has allowed in my life that I can not change but wish were different. I again pleaded to Him, asking Him to take this away from me...it was another "Thorn in my side." I continually tell myself that He has a bigger plan for me and that all this is happening for a reason. Recently, I also had a friend tell me that regardless of the outcome given to me in my life, I find a way to get around it and change what people tell me and do what I can, to get what I want.

A weakness can actually turn into a strength and forces you to focus on other areas of your life to make you stronger and better overall. I am a stronger and better person overall because of what I've been through. I wouldn't change anything as I look back at where I was and where I have come. Everything happens for a reason...even if we don't know what that reason is.

27w0d: I was bored and updated my Blog template. You're still in the right place!

Don't worry! You're in the right place...I changed the blog template because I was getting sick of all the orange. It was like BAM! So, a little change is good for all.


Friday marks 27 weeks COMPLETE. Crazy :)


Over the last week, I've felt a few changes...this little peanut was in a good schedule for activity and we could basically predict her "busy" times and "down" times. This week, however, she must be changing things up...because the kicks and pokes are starting to feel more like rolls and her times are off! She's still bouncing around in there but not at the same times as before. I'm still sleeping really well and she doesn't wake me up at night so keep your fingers crossed that it stays that way for the long haul.


I keep trying to think about this lovely glucose test I get to take at the beginning of September. Maybe I'll pass because my body is so used to my sugar intake it won't be shocked by the lovely drink they make you chug? If the test does come back positive, at least we'll know and be able to accommodate any new dietary changes or whatever else comes with GD. I'd rather know than not know...and it's funny to me that people try to change their "ways" just to pass the test and not have to take the 3hr or have GD. Like I said, it's better for me and the baby if it is positive so we can do better in the long run. With that being said, I can't stop eating donuts, sweets, cakes, etc. Everyone just drops them off at my desk like they have ESP and the baby secretively told them to GIVE ME SUGAR. I mean, COME ON! ha.


I've had more "round ligament" pain this week...I think that's what it is at least. The doc asked if I have had any contractions yet and I told him, "No." Then asked him if I would know or not, and he smirked a little and said usually and told me what they feel like. He thought my other pains were ligament pains, too. They are just more sharp/jabby and in my lower abdomen, predominately on the left side. They usually go away quick or after I stretch a little.


My mom is coming into town this weekend and she is so darn excited to see this baby. She always gets right in my belly and asks, "How's our baby doing today?!" and I'm like, "Mom, you do know that this is MY baby, right?" Haha -- good intentions but sometimes she's a little over the top. Speaking of over the top, my co-worker's wife is also prego and he's crazy. I mean, all he does is research and he really should be working. Then he relays all this information he "learns" to me and makes me feel like a complete idiot when it comes to the baby. Apparently, they are the "all natural" kind of people...he even said that for the first 6 months anything the baby uses, eats, wears, etc. is going to be organic and I almost hung up the phone on him because he's nuts. Now, I'm not trying to offend anyone out there who is granola and likes to do things that way. Fine by me. But, I can't afford it and I like to eat cake. Speaking of cake, I ate this yesterday....#NOMNOMNOM

25w0d: Last Ultrasound?

I love Fridays. On Friday's, I get a new app update for my weeks of being pregnant. I know it's silly but I literally anticipate which new vegetable, pastry or "weird but cute" critter my Ovia app will tell me the baby is for that week -- I have other apps too, but this one sure is fun! Today, baby is the size of a prairie dog.

This little peanut is almost 14 inches long and is weighing in just under 2lbs. Per my readings, baby has an increased likelihood of surviving preterm birth at this point although we are not ready for her to make an appearance just yet! I honestly can't believe we're 25 weeks along (and I know I say that every time) but it's just so surprising and I honestly think I'm still dreaming.


Over the last week and weekend, we have gotten A LOT done...Hubby finished painting the nursery, assembled the crib and dresser/changing table. We got our registries going at Babies R Us and Target. We (I) also found almost all the décor for the baby's room and just need to start assembling and hanging pictures -- I'll have to make a separate post when the nursery is finished just for fun!


We also had our follow up ultrasound on Monday to get pictures of this little peanut's feet and umbilical cord insertion on her belly. She was vertex this time, so it was easier to get pictures -- she was still bouncing all over the place but, last time, she was breech and stubborn. Here are some pics!

How cute are these little feet? Side by side...perfect.

Here is one foot...you can count the bones/toes.

And, foot number two! Look at that arch, the big toe..so fun.

Love this picture!

This one is pretty cute too...during the "show," she kept arching her back and stretching out. It's almost like she's smiling in this one...look at those lips and that little button nose!! EEK!

For the next picture, you'll have to put on your imagination hats...it's 3D and she wasn't being very cooperative but we got one! The babe was pushed up against the left side of my belly and hugging the placenta, so it's not the best picture but once you see her face, it's awesome. Pretend that you're looking at someone straight on -- you'll be looking right in her eyes and should see a little button nose, mouth and a hand trying to cover up her mouth. Hope you can see it!

Don't worry, all that other "debris" isn't really there...it's just leftover junk because the ultrasound has to go through my skin, the placenta, etc. just to get to baby. It sounds like this will be the last ultrasound before we meet the little lady...unless something out of the ordinary arises and we need to check in on things. We can't wait to meet this babe...It's just going to be such a miracle to hold her in our arms and tell her we've been waiting for her for so long. AND nope, we don't have ANY names picked out. HA!

Other than that, all is going really well -- the doctor said to just keep doing what I'm doing. We do need to start thinking about birth plans, classes and what will happen once this little peanut is here. The next time I go in, I get to do the lovely glucose test...I'm trying not to stress about it because I can't really change the outcome...so it is what it is.

Soon to come, Nursery update with pictures :)

CHEERS TO 25 weeks!!

23w0d: Baby Fever...Oh Dear!

It's here....Baby Fever! (Is that even what they call it?) Oh my gosh...Not sure what hit but, I woke up this morning and all I want to do is buy things...I WANT IT ALL. Maybe, it's because it's Friday and I'm excited for the weekend...but, I want registries, I want clothes, I want the nursery to be done...I want to buy stuff for the nursery. I want the house to be clean and organized, I want the clutter to be gone. Hubby has to talk me off the ledge because now, that's all I want to do. THEN I get upset because we're gone every weekend and don't have time to do ANYTHING.


Is this what they call nesting? I looked it up on the big G and this is what it says...."Nesting is common and is considered to be an instinct to prepare for birth, but not all pregnant women experience the nesting instinct. It is common for women to get the urge to clean and organize during the spring, thus the old adage, “spring cleaning.” I'm not cleaning necessarily but we just bought a new house, so we're constantly fixing things, putting things way, etc. We bought a new sectional and kitchen dining room set. We put up a fence for the dogs and the baby (since our new house is on a pond). We've picked out paint colors and lights for the nursery, reconstructed the closets, etc...busy, busy. But, now, I want things to be put into place so I can rest easy knowing everything is done. I want to make sure we're registering and purchasing the right items, I want it all done NOW. I know this "feeling" will get stronger as time progresses but I just am so excited and almost energetic about it all, and a little stressed. Poor hubby :)

We did make this lovely purchase recently...or I did. Haven't even told hubby yet because he thinks I'm crazy and spend way too much money when I'm not supposed to. BUT, I just couldn't resist. I'm obsessed. It's a newborn outfit and if you haven't noticed, my Minnesotan accent always comes out, even when I type, and I say "OH DEAR!" all the time...this just suits us so well. PLUS, it has a deer on it and the baby will be born close to hunting season. Just perfect. Now, let's just hope it fits because I want her to wear this on her way home from the hospital! AGH! I just love it. But, back to nesting...I told my hubby last night that every weekend in August, when we are home, we need to make sure we are using our time and prepping for baby. We need to paint, we need to register, we need to clean...we need to get ready. You never know what will happen...so, we must be prepared!


Also, this baby must be having dance parties in my belly because Good Lord does she bounce around. I feel so much, it almost makes me feel like I have a little motion sickness at times! Hubby did want to feel her move yesterday, so we sat down on the couch and I figured out where she was in utero. He put his hand on my belly and I told him to apply some pressure and just wait. Each time she would move, I would ask him "Did you feel that?!" and his response would be, "No..." I'd look at him every time I could feel her and than finally he was like, "I think I felt it!" But, then he seemed kind of disappointed and not jumping for Joy. I was like, "ISN'T IT SOOOO COOL?!?!" He told me, "Well, I thought it was going to be like a fist pump...ya know, baby saying HEY DAD!" I just laughed because she's not strong enough to do that, so right now, it feels like little flicks on against your hand. I guess it was a little anti-climactic for hubby but he still thought it was pretty cool...those silly men of ours!

Am I missing something???

So, I guess I have a little more on my mind right now because I've been around some other Prego's lately and I'm starting to second guess myself. Normally, I'm a very put together person...I like to plan and prep; I like to be organized and ready for anything that may come my way. However, with this pregnancy, I've been calm, somewhat relaxed (when I can be)....because I know it's good and helpful for baby. I haven't been stressing out over a ton of things and now I'm wondering if I should be or should've done this sooner????

I mean, I've been trying to eat well and healthy when I can (and don't have crazy cravings), I've only put on 8.5lbs and I'm almost 23 weeks -- I did start out on the heavier size for my height. I've been taking my prenatal and trying to exercise (walking the dogs) when I can. I'm getting good sleep, resting when my body needs it, and drinking lots of water. But, I haven't been asking crazy questions to the doctor. I haven't been overanalyzing every lotion, cream, spray I use on my body. I haven't been stressing out about daycare or finding a childcare provider. I haven't even started a nursery, picked out strollers, car seats, bouncers, diapers, etc. Should I be doing this? Am I not going to be ready for this baby?

The reason I'm asking all this is because lots of people who are currently pregnant have been giving me feedback about their doctors appointments, the questions they ask, all the things they are doing to plan/prep and I feel like I'm not in the same boat! One of my friends said she actually had long lists of questions she brought with to the doctor each visit for him to answer...and I was like "Wha?!" I mean, I've had a few questions here and there but I figured if anything was wrong or if he wanted me to know something specifically, he'd tell me, right? Am I missing something?? Oh dear...I'm freaking out. At the beginning, we had lots of questions because we were transferred from the fertility clinic and I was still on crazy meds and stuff but now, I'm a "normal" person and haven't had much to ask about -- I mean, every website, pregnancy app, etc. out there tells you so much....I just feel like I'm getting more than enough information without having to bug the doctor about it. Maybe I'm in the wrong and need to do more or maybe I'm ok...I'm just freaking out.
OK -- lets take a break from this stress and look at baby pictures. Here are more from the CD we got at our Anatomy scan!

Apparently this is the face...I can't see it.

This is the "nose/lips" -- I can actually see this one...the tech basically told us it's like looking UP your nose, from below...so you have to change the context in which you are thinking.

Here is a little hand and fingers -- you can see the thumb on the left and the fingers on the right all sprawled out.




















So, other than my crazy rant above...things are going really well. EXCEPT my ankles don't like the heat and humidity...every once in a while, they flare up and I need to rest them. But, I'm feeling good. I did have a guy from work come up to me today to congratulate me on being pregnant. He's newer but has been here for a good 4-5 months. Verbatim, this is what he said, "Joy, is it true?? I heard you are pregnant! Congratulations!" I looked at him, then down at my watermelon belly and back up at him again with this puzzled look on my face and said, "Yes, Kevin, I'm over half way pregnant hence the smuggled watermelon I carry under my clothes." Oh dear...haha. Yes. I'm sarcastic and not a nice person, but it's funny! haha

22w0d

As I sit here at work, not working, my mind can not turn off. All that goes through it is "what if's?," worries, concerns...It doesn't stop. Regardless of the day, time, place...it keeps plunging these horrifying ideas into my head. This brain, it does not shut down.

Up until this point, I have been somewhat calm...friends have actually made comments about how relaxed I seemed and level headed about the whole situation....you know, bringing a child into the world that you've basically been yearning for since the age of 5. I'm not sure what is happening this week, but good Lord. I wake up in the middle of the night with worry; during the day, if I don't feel this little peanut move as much as the day before, I freak out. We even felt the baby on the outside of my belly this week and you'd think that would be a huge exciting relief of JOY. But, now, every day I don't feel it or maybe I'm just not paying attention, I FREAK OUT.

I try to self meditate...to calm myself down...say a prayer, basically talk myself off the ledge and remember what is here and now. Usually that works but I'm not sure why this is happening all of a sudden. I want this pregnancy to be about the JOY and miracles it took to make it happen. I don't want to worry, be afraid, anxious or concerned.

I think we're finally realizing how long it took to get this far and how much was put into this baby. The money, the time, the tears, the laughter -- 12 years ago, when I was going through my battle with leukemia, I never knew the repercussions it would have and the spiral we'd be sent into when trying to start a family. Now, it's coming full circle and I just want to be thankful that we had options and that we got this far. But, instead my mind is going to deep, dark places that I don't even want to reiterate in writing or verbally.


My mantra from here on out? See below.

**Bumpies are updated!**

20 Weeks (19w5d): Anatomy Scan Results

Well, well --- so much to talk about!


We had our Anatomy Scan last week on Wednesday, July 6th. We were technically 19w5d...typically, these scans are done between 20-21 weeks so, we were able to get in a little earlier than most.


Baby is good, healthy, normal. The heartbeat was 155bpm -- the last couple visits, it's been right around 150, so very consistent. Baby was measuring in at 10oz, ranking in the 45th percentile which is basically, smack dab in the middle, and great! Doc said that if we were to have waited a week or so, the weight would've gone up to 14-16oz and that we'd be surprised by how only a couple days makes such a difference with weight changes and growth at this point of pregnancy. But, again, no concerns whatsoever (and honestly, that's all we cared about...just wanted happy and healthy!). Also, my placenta is posterior so that is why I was able to feel the baby so early and now, so consistently. Doc said that as baby gets stronger, I'm going to feel so much movement that it most likely will keep me awake or I'll have trouble getting to sleep at night...lovely (BUT AWESOME!).


Our sonographer, Miranda, was an absolute gem. I literally walked into this appointment shaking and riddled with anxiety because I was so nervous something would be wrong. She calmed my nerves and really made the whole process very enjoyable. The only thing was that we have a very stubborn, stinker of a baby in this uterus. Baby did NOT want to cooperate. Every time Miranda wanted to get a belly picture, foot picture, heart picture...you name it, baby would flip and basically be like "SCREW YOU!" I was drinking lemonade and walking around the ultrasound room trying to get this little peanut to switch positions but baby just wanted to stick that butt up in the air, head down, spine up...I swear we worked on pictures for almost two hours. Miranda even had to move the table to an inverted position so it felt like I was standing on my head. Baby was extremely active and bounced around all the time --- maybe this baby will be a gymnast, because it was flipping and flopping and making things very difficult for Miranda to get good pictures. However, she did get the majority of them except for the umbilical cord insertion on the baby and feet photos. We met with Doc afterwards and he had no concerns at all...everything looked good and progress was right on track. Based on measurements, we were still on the same due date we got at the beginning of this journey. He said that if we wanted, we could come back in to get the last couple pictures, but it wasn't needed. So, of course, I said "SURE!" Why not come back and see baby again? Miranda said we could do some 3D pics too :)


It was so amazing to be able to see everything on the TV screen and the monitor all at the same time. Hubby's face just lit up when he realized, yet again, that this was really happening. Miranda asked us right away if we wanted to know the sex of the baby...before she could finish the question, hubby and I both said "YES" before she could even finish asking. We're not the kind of people who are able to keep secrets well...I think if we would've waited and had her put the gender in an envelope, I would've gone crazy. We weren't planning to have a gender reveal party either...just would try to take some pictures, once we knew the gender, to reveal to friends and family.


So, want to see some pictures?? These are the ones they printed for us, but I also have a whole CD (but, I haven't uploaded those yet...so maybe next time!):

This is a great pic and this is how baby wanted to be in order to not get pictures :)

Profile time for baby...look at that little peanut NOSE! Hands are up by the face.

And here you have it....the money shot! Gender!!

It's a GIRL!!!! We're so excited...I cried on the table, convulsed actually. I can't even describe it! You should've seen my hubby's face :) Here are some of our gender pictures we took over the weekend to share the news with our friends and family:

It's a GIRL :)

19w0d

19 weeks down...almost halfway done. I honestly am still in shock. Is this really happening? I try to cherish each day and remember everything that's going on because who knows, this could be the only time we go through this process.

How have things been going? Good. Really good. My energy has come back, I feel normal and I'm able to go almost all night without having to get up to pee every 2 hours. The only thing that has started to bug me a little is my water retention...I've noticed that when I over exert myself or eat bad foods consecutively, my feet and ankles turn into tree trunks. They get back to normal overnight but I need to pay attention to my sodium intake. I've only gained 5lbs so far, so that's good. I started out heavy so based on a standards website for pregnancy weight gain, I'm right on track.

I'm still having cravings for everything sweet...ice cream, maple donuts, gummy candy, cookies...you name it! And what's really funny is that I've NEVER been a sweets person... I was an olive eating, salt and vinegar chip kind of girl and that is not the case anymore.

I've been feeling the little peanut since week 15...but now, it's becoming more and more consistent. It honestly feels like someone is punking me and taking a feather to my belly for tickling pleasure. Sometimes I don't even realize it and I'm scratching my stomach trying to get the sensation to go away...then I'm like OH WAIT! THAT IS BABY. Crazy. I can't wait till I can feel the rolling motions of the ocean in there and when we can distinguish which limb is bumping and running into what.

We go in on Wednesday to do our 20 week ultrasound. Everyone at work, friends and family are so excited to know what the gender is of the little peanut. But, I honestly don't care about that...I just want to know we have a happy, healthy babe in there. We'll be happy with either gender...boy or girl, don't care. Although my hubby really wants a little girl...so we shall see!! Stay tuned :)

16 Weeks = Rollercoaster...AGH

So, tomorrow I'll be 17 weeks!! So exciting :) My mom is coming into town this weekend and we're moving into our new house...so many things going on.


BUT, last week was nuts. I mean CRAZY. Don't worry, everything is ok but last Wednesday, I was in a car accident. Now, I've never been in a car accident and I'm a super type-A person who is a perfectionist and follows all rules possible...you'd think that would give me some luck, but not last week. I was driving in rush hour, bumper to bumper traffic...going about 10mph when from out of no where some red minivan decided to rear end me. Now, it wasn't just a little tap...I saw it coming from my rear view mirror and braced myself for the impact. I was in the left lane where there was no shoulder...I had no where to go to avoid the crash. But, from my rear view mirror I saw a girl with long blonde hair driving, her head was down and then SMACK. Right into the back of my Cadillac SRX. I was in shock. I've never been in an accident before and now, the first one I ever get into is when I'm 30 and PREGNANT!! It gets even better...since she was coming in super hot/fast, she smacked into me and hit me so hard it brought her to a complete stop so the guy behind her, rammed into the girl resulting in hitting me AGAIN. And get this...the guy that hit the girl, LEFT THE SCENE. Bastard. Can you say hit and run? UGh.


So, after things settled down, kind of...we got out of the cars and exchanged insurance information. Like I said, I was in shock and bawling my eyes out... I didn't car about the cars, just the baby. She hit me so hard that my head hit the back of my seat about 3-4 times, I had instant neck pain, my left wrist was hurting because I braced the steering wheel before the hit. That poor girl, I got out of my car and literally yelled at her, "WHAT WERE YOU DOING? TEXTING?! I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She started to cry. We called the cops and they came... they asked if I needed an ambulance and I politely asked if they came with ultrasound machines because I didn't care about anything else. The State Trooper saw how much distress I was in and calmly had me sit down in my car and listen to some music while he went and reamed out the teenager. After that, I'm not really sure what happened...I'm assuming she got a citation, we both received the police report and since the cars were drivable, I went home, crying.


I called the on-call OB to make sure the baby was ok as soon as I got home...she wasn't too concerned and said since I was only 16 weeks, the baby wasn't big enough to be injured, especially because my belly isn't big enough to hit anything. But, I still went in on Thursday to get checked out -- my doc was on-call but the other doctor checked me out. She found the heartbeat right away and didn't feel any need to do blood tests or ultrasounds. I also went into the family practitioner to get my neck and wrist checked out. They said I have a mild concussion, a neck strain, and a wrist strain. Goodness...I did go back to the normal doctor today for my standard monthly checkup. All is good -- my belly is really starting to come out and we're feeling lots of feather-tickling throughout the day. The heartbeat has stayed around 150bpm now for the last couple times I've been in...all is good. Next up, our anatomy scan!


Are you wondering about damage to the car? Well, the entire back bumper was unhinged and pushed up against the hatch back, the park assist wasn't working, and our hitch was pushed all the way underneath the car resulting in some frame damage. They called yesterday and said that the overall costs to fix would be $6500!!!!!!!!!!!! UFFDA.

But, all is good. All will be fine. This too shall pass. One resolution I've made and always try to keep in mind is to rise above the little things...it could've been so much worse and I'm just thankful someone was looking out for us all!!

15w0d

15w0d....They say the Little Peanut is the size of an apple or approximately 4 inches long/2.47 ounces.


All I can say, is WOW...it still feels so unreal that all of this is happening. My belly seems to be getting bigger but I can't feel the baby move yet. I feel like I'm waiting for it but the doctor keeps telling me 18ish weeks. BUT, I swear I felt something on 14w6d...I'm not sure if I'm making it up or just anticipating it so much but...I swear I felt something. I was actually on the phone and in the mid-left side of my lower abdomen there was just a little bubble. It felt a little like gas but it wasn't in the right place and went away really quick. It caught me off guard...but, who knows. One of my friends said that when they first felt their DD move, it was almost like a goldfish bumping into the glass bowl it was swimming in....but, I'm not sure what that feels like :) I do, however, see people online posting about how they have felt the baby sooner...so I hope that was it... I just anticipate it so much and want it to happen!


Another story, I was sitting on the couch the other day and the right side of my lower abdomen was rock hard and the left side was squishy. I told hubby to touch it and he didn't get it. I told him "Just touch my stomach" and he was like "Why?" Totally didn't get it...so I explained to him that I wanted him to feel the difference and he looked me straight in the eyes and said all Rafiki-ish (ya know, from the Lion King)..."It is NOT time."

I tried not to take it personally and just walked away, shaking my head. I know he's stressed out with work and moving (Did I tell you we bought a new house and are moving on June 17th?) AND THEN throw the baby on top of that. He specifically told me he doesn't think he's going to be a good dad and he's scared of failing. But, I just want him to be excited. Maybe after this move, he'll come around...we shall see. A lot of my girlfriends said it took some time for their men to come around...cross those fingers!


I also think I'm starting to feel those "round ligament pains" that supposedly come with the second trimester. Its a sharp pain or jabbing feeling in the lower belly/groin area on one or both sides. It hasn't been that uncomfortable yet but I've felt more of a "muscle pulling" on the left side when I get up fast or if I'm moving around, especially out of bed. Several thick ligaments surround and support the uterus as it grows during pregnancy. One of them is called the round ligament and it connects the front part of the uterus to the groin. It normally tightens and relaxes slowly but as the baby/uterus grows it becomes more strained.  Sudden movements can cause it to tighten quickly resulting in the sudden/quick jabbing feeling. This is normal, per the doctor and WebMD.


We go back to the doc on the 16th of June -- just a little Doppler visit and then we're scheduled for our 20 week ultrasound on July 6th!! People call this the anatomy scan but I think it's also referred to as a Level 2 scan, a mid-pregnancy ultrasound or an Anomaly Scan.  I was hoping we'd have it before the 4th of July so we could bring the good news home to the family over the holiday...but, all will be fine. They said if the baby cooperates, we should be able to find out if we're having a boy or a girl, too. SO exciting! Since I was little, I have always wanted a daughter. So, from the beginning, I told myself it was a boy...but hubby really wants a girl. I'll be happy with either :) But, my biggest wish is just finding out all is healthy and happy -- growing to spec!

13w0d (March 20, 2016)

OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG.


The first trimester is DONE. I can't believe it. I'm so happy and thankful to have gotten this far...I just keep praying every day that things keep going well and the little peanut keeps growing, big and strong!


Everything has started to get better - my nausea has tapered off, my energy is coming back and I started to sleep a lot better (for now). I get nervous though because some days it doesn't feel like I'm pregnant anymore...I mean, I know that's silly but, I forget sometimes. Well, for like a millisecond. I even asked some friends if that was normal and they keep telling me that the second trimester is the best...I'm just ready for my belly to pop. I want it to look like I'm prego instead of just gaining weight :) Ha!


We did start taking bi-weekly bumpies -- I have added a first trimester "Page" at the top of the blog if you want to see some progress pics!


Other than that, I don't have much to report...I'm scheduled to see my OB every 3-4 weeks. Technically, we're "high risk" but not really...everything is normal with the pregnancy but since we went through all the IVF and specialty procedures, we get categorized as that. Like I said before, our OB is great...he told me that right now I'm in a phase where I'm starting to feel better but I still can't feel the baby because it's too early. So, if I ever get nervous to just come on in and hear the heartbeat! He's so understanding. Just love it!


Now that I'm feeling better, I'm really going to try and eat well and make better decisions. When I wasn't feeling good, I ate whatever I wanted and didn't have a care in the world...I just wanted comfort food and junk. So, lets see if I can make better decisions :)


Well, I think we're all caught up now...sorry for the delay with posts but I wanted to be sure we got to a good place before I told the world what was happening. Please keep sending many thoughts and prayers this way that all goes well and smoothly. We've waited so long to get to this point and I'm so thankful for everyone's support!

Normal? Wha?!?!?! (May 5, 2016)

Well, we have been considered "normal" for a week now...they released us from the clinic and have since did our first OB introduction and are meeting with our "real" doctor today. I still can't believe it -- they took me off all of my medicine on Saturday. It feels so weird...I mean, I've been doing shots since January so to get home from work and NOT prep for an injection feels odd. I even went to bed the first couple nights thinking, "WHOOPS! I FORGOT!" but then hubby had to remind me that we aren't doing them anymore. I was really nervous... scared that the baby wouldn't make it without the injections since they quit everything cold turkey. But, they tested my blood and there was a jump in my levels which proved to the docs that I was good to go and be done. Since I was nervous, I talked to M, I emailed Miss N, I texted Risa...I googled tons of information. Lots of people quit cold turkey after 10 weeks, some taper off between 10 and 11 weeks, and some higher risk patients stay on until 13 weeks. But, since we're not considered "high risk" (thank goodness), we were able to just quit. Lots of information online said that if people had signs of distress, aka spotting, cramping, etc. to take an injection and call the doctor ASAP but that didn't happen for us....so we went on as normal.


We went to our "real" OB appointment -- hubby came with and tried playing with every single thing he could touch in the room while we waited for the doctor. One nurse checked us in and she wasn't very pleasant...but, after that we waited and waited and waited for the doctor. He probably didn't come in for a good 30 minutes. But, then he knocked and popped in -- he was wearing a little red bow tie and was very quirky but likeable. We were referred to our OB from a close friend who had nothing but great things to say...so we figured this would be a good fit and it was close to home. We went over soooo many thing, details, testing, schedules, histories, etc. Then he popped me up on the table and said, "Let's listen to the heartbeat!"


Now, we've seen the heartbeat twice, but we've never heard it. We have never known the beats per minute. At our specialty clinic, they showed it to you and let you know if it was normal or not, but we never got to hear it. The doc had this little handheld Doppler...it almost looked like a walkie talkie. Ha! He lubed up my lower abdomen and put the microphone on my skin...he felt around for a while but I wasn't nervous. People said it tends to take some time and we were only 11 weeks. He showed me what the sound of the fluid in my uterus was like and then he closed his eyes and was really "into it" -- then he was like "THERE! Do you hear it?!" I was chuckling inside because he was so serious yet super pumped...honestly, it didn't sound much different than what he had me listen to previously but, I read the Doppler and it said 163 bpm. Our little peanut has a heart beat of 163 beats per minute!!! Wow. I couldn't believe it! I yelled over to hubby (who was right there so I really didn't have to yell), "DO YOU HEAR IT!?!" He smiled and said, "Yes, dear."


After that, everything was a blur...we went through more details, did a pap smear, cervix examine, breast exam, etc. Then he told me I could come back anytime to hear the heartbeat and it wouldn't cost anything more, it could be just for fun as all was normal. So, I'm scheduled to come back on the 23rd. They did have some trouble getting my charts and records from our specialty clinic so when I come back, I'm going to bring my ultrasounds, just in case.  


Wow. I can't believe this! So exciting :)

10w0d - Second Ultrasound (April 29, 2016)

Well, the nausea has decided to stay and keep me company....I have only thrown up once though. I'm not sure if it was because of the baby or because I came down with another LOVELY cold and I was trying to hack up a lung...but, I did puke. Other than the nausea, being super tired, and craving everything sweet -- maple donuts, cookies, gummy candy, etc. along with wanting to eat everything else in site, too, things are going good.


Today is my last ultrasound at our specialty clinic...this time, we got to the appointment and hubby wasn't late. We actually walked up together and I wasn't nervous at all. I went to the bathroom, got checked in and we were called back pretty quick. This time the tech was Kara and she's pretty cool -- she's the one who did my ultrasound on my bday with the good lining news!


We got all situated and Dr. C came in -- he was just giddy was excitement. So, you know the drill...insert probe now. Tada!! There is our little peanut...it was doing a dance, squirming and wiggling all around. Kara said, "You have got a wiggly little one in there!" The legs were kicking and twisting...must have been happy to see us all!


Here are some pics -- they did a 3D version today so it really looks like a BABY!



This last one is my favorite -- it's the side profile... you can see the head, the little button nose, arms, legs and the umbilical cord. I'm just in LOVE. The little peanut is now measuring a day ahead of schedule - 10w1d: 36mm/1.42 inches!!


After all was said and done, Dr. C sat with us...told me that he's taking me off of pelvic rest and we can now do everything normal like we used to -- exercise, whoopie ;)...he basically said that we can't screw this up. He also told me that he was going to test my blood and then most likely take me off of all supplementary medicine on Saturday/tomorrow -- no more injections, no more estrogen, no more progesterone...I couldn't believe it. I asked him if he was sure and said that the placenta should now me making it's own hormones and I will no longer need to take any extras. Crazy. It's hard to trust this process but it was built to work...so we just need believe. He also said we were done at the clinic and next week, I need to see my "real" OB and that we were now normal people. OMG. Dr. C did apologize for the process and it taking longer than expected but he asked us to send a birth announcement when the little "turkey" popped out on Thanksgiving!! We're going to have a Thanksgiving baby!!!


Baby G DUE NOVEMBER 24th - Thanksgiving DAY!! WHAT A BLESSING and miracle to be thankful for this year!!

8w0d - First Ultrasound (April 15, 2016)

Well, I was nervous because I hadn't felt an ounce of nausea yet and many people report starting to get those symptoms around 6+ weeks...I was eating whatever I wanted and going to the bathroom a lot, still super tired and had crazy tender breasticles, but no nausea....UNTIL I got back from TX. Then it just hit me. I wasn't throwing up but man o man was I not feeling good. I'd be fine in the morning but by around 2pm it would hit me...then, it would last all night. So, I'd get home and just be worthless....my poor hubby. AND then the mood swings...oh the lovely mood swings. Now, I'm already a super sensitive person but geesh, I'd cry at anything...commercials, animals outside, the wind...good Lord. Then, it would switch to anger...everything just pissed me OFF. Blah....so, I guess I'm really prego. Ha!


With that being said, we had our first ultrasound today... I was soooooo nervous. OMG. This was it. This would tell us...SHOW us if this transfer really worked and whether or not there was a baby inside of me. We got to the clinic and of course my hubby was supposed to meet me there and he was late. I freaked out. I called. I texted. I called. I texted. He finally told me he was almost there so I went upstairs, went to the bathroom and waited. They called me back and hubby was still not there...so they took me back anyway and said they would find him before the doctor came in.


Hubby finally arrived and they sent him back into the room where I was half naked sitting on the table. Julie was our ultrasound tech and she's awesome -- she has been working with us the whole time we have been here, just like Heather. It's so nice to have people who want you to be successful and who are rooting for you around!


Dr. E came in and she was the one who did our actual transfer so it was nice to see her again...you could tell she was excited so we got on with it. As soon as they stuck the probe up in there, I saw a blob. It was different than seeing my normal uterus with a lining in it, it was literally a little round blob of white. Dr. E asked us, she said "Do you see it? That's your baby!" You could see the heart working and pumping, you could see the little nubs where arms and legs would soon sprout. You could see the head and umbilical cord. OMG this was really happening...and of course, I started crying and convulsing on the table yet again...so much so that Julie couldn't get a good measurement/reading until I settled down. The little peanut was measuring exactly 8w0d -- 17mm/0.67 inches.


Dr. E looked at my hubby and said, "There is a baby in there!" and all hubby could say was..."I see it." Ha! I told her that we were all in a little shock that this was happening. She told us, "Good job! You did it!" and I looked at her and said, "No... Good job to you! YOU did it!" and we all laughed. Oh happy day...She told us we can come back at 10w0d, have our last ultrasound and say good bye to Dr. C because if all is good, that's when they will kick us out of the clinic and we turn into normal people...can you believe it??


Here you go - here's our little peanut!

Texas Travel for Work....and I'm 7 weeks pregnant.

Well, BETA#3 is complete...I'm waiting to have my first ultrasound on the 15th...and guess what? I have to travel for work....CRAZY. I asked the docs if it was OK and they said it was just fine but to be sure to get lots of water and walk around on the plane if I could. I had to travel to Texas for the biggest tradeshow of the year -- this show is a booze filled party and of course, I can't drink because I'M ALMOST SEVEN WEEKS PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Now, if any one was good at keeping secrets, it's me...but when it's a fun, happy, exciting secret...it's REALLY HARD to keep. Especially because I'm a skilled drinker and the life of the party! So, I traveled for work...I got on the plane, brought all my injectable medicine through security (I was scared about that but it went just fine, no questions asked), got the TX and checked into my hotel. I met all our other co-workers -- some came from home, some from other states.


Surprisingly, the week actually went well, I did have to fill in a few folks on the secret so they could help get me "fake" drinks while out with customers and other co-workers so no suspicions were risen. Vodka, soda water and a lime for me please, hold the Vodka! I called the "I'm super tired" card a lot of the time so I didn't have to worry about staying out late and I had to make sure I stayed on schedule for my meds...by the end of the week, I was excited to be done.


Instead of going home, I actually was able to head down to Austin to visit one of my best friends -- she knew about the secret so didn't have to worry about spilling the beans with her! Instead, we decided to eat our lives away...have you ever heard of Gourdoughs?? It's a donut FOOD TRUCK. Yes, we indulged here. OMG.

It was a great trip and I'm glad I had something to do in between my betas and that first ultrasound....now, only a few more days to go :)

19dp5dt - BETA #3 (March 28, 2016)

15dp5dt thru 18dp5dt - Ok, I'm done taking pregnancy pee tests. If I take another one, my husband will disown me! Haven't had any more spotting but I'm sooooooooo tired. I go to work, come home, take a nap, eat food, and go to bed for the night. Then wake up to potty 2-3 times a night and do it all over again. Still trying to lay low and take it easy -- the doctor has me on pelvic rest just as a precautionary measure to ensure nothing disrupts my uterus. My poor hubby.... ;)


19dp5dt - Today is my last BETA....if all is good, I will come back on April 15th for my first ultrasound! I went into the clinic, same old same old...got my poke and left. That was it. So anti-climactic. I wish they were able to give the test results just right then and there but no. So I waited until the afternoon to get the call.


Theresa called with the number....are you ready for it??




3553


OH. MY. GOSH.


So, the numbers went from 120 to 297 to 3553!!


The docs told me everything looked awesome and gave me lots of congratulations - they said to keep doing everything just like we have been doing and that this was a huge success. My progesterone was 17.2 and I asked if that was too low and Theresa said it was just fine. Dr. C was not concerned about it at all -- I emailed N just to get her consensus and she said this was totally great and she wasn't concerned about the progesterone either since it was going up on it's own. She said I'm picking up steam and I am right where I should be -- HURRAH is an understatement!

12dp5dt...BETA #2 (March 21, 2016)

10dp5dt - keep taking more HPTs, just to be safe. Still says YES. Feeling better but laying low to get over my cold. Decided to clean the house a little...super tired. Took a nap.

11dp5dt - Sunday Fun Day, NOT - had to go to fish fry at my hubby's grandparents house. All the relatives were there. I was cranky and tired...plus we had to bring the dogs and hubby was supposed to be in charge but was not. Completely pissed me off and stressed me out...which, ya know is lovely, for this little peanut. Got mad. ARG. Went home to take a nap...Still took an HPT, we're good.

12dpt5dt (morning) - Beta #2 day...went to the clinic, drew blood, used my right arm instead of the left one since it was bruised from 9dp5dt. Praying for a good number....went back to work. Trying to keep busy.

12dp5dt (afternoon) - Got the call....we're up to 297!!!!!! More than doubled from last week...WHOOP!! They said all my counts were great and things look phenomenal. So, they want me to schedule a 3rd Beta for next week and then 3 weeks from now, do my FIRST OB ULTRASOUND. EEEEEEEKKKKK CRAY CRAY. OMG OMG OMG. Talked to scheduling...3rd beta is scheduled for 3/28/16. Ultrasound is scheduled the week of April 11th.

We have customers in town this week and I haven't been feeling the best..so I totally bailed on going out with them and pulled the sick card. Whoops.

12dp5dt (evening) - AGHHHHHH. I spotted. WHAT THE HELL. I'm frantically crying....don't know what to do. Don't want to lose the little peanut. WHAT THE F! It wasn't much, just once when I went potty...on the tissue, there was bright pink blood. Then that was that. It wasn't continuous or heavy...and never happened again. Called M, texted M, text Risa, Texted my bestie....WHAT THE F!! Called the clinic and left a message...

13dp5dt - took another test, just to be safe....still there. Got a call back from the clinic around 10am. They are not concerned at all...said many women spot randomly especially during their first 10 weeks. Nothing to be worried about unless it's continuously heavy - they even said if I fill up more than one pad per hour, to let them know but anything less than that, isn't a concern. I literally was like ummm...yea, no. It was only once on a tissue. They still don't want me to come in until Monday and told me to just take it easy and drink lots of water. Things will be just fine. NO STRESS. I emailed Miss N, just to be sure...she keeps me sane...she does, of course. Don't know what I'd do without her...OMG. Really.

More customers were in tonight...still not feeling good, stayed home. SOOOOO Tired. Went to bed by 8:15...started having crazy dreams and woke up at 3am craving a big glass of milk. Odd. I haven't drank real milk in 10 years....have a slight milk allergy.

14dp5dt - back to work...having some trouble with nausea today... people are asking questions as to why I'm always sick or not feeling well. They are getting nosy. Oh yea, did I tell you? I took another test this morning....yup, still prego. Hubby got mad and schooled me on HPTs...asked me why I'm taking so many and if I read the labels because if I did, I would know they are 99.9% accurate. If I took 100 tests, the possibility of one being off is very narrow. He's such an engineer. I told him I was getting them at Walmart for 6 bucks and they were 3 packs!!!! haha Nerves have settled...no more spotting issues. All is ok.

9dp5dt - BETA #1 (March 18, 2016)

Bahhh finally slept all night but woke up around 4am with a stupid ear ache. This darn cold...I suppose, since I can't take any meds, all the fluid in my head is pooling around my ear canals...but, I still had time to POAS this morning. STILL POSITIVE.

I didn't even have to wait for a line today, it just came up right away...crazy! Went in early to get my blood drawn for the beta/hcg test...waiting for the doctor to call with the news. Also, when they do call, I'm totally going to ask about this stupid cold. OMG. AWFUL.

I got the call this afternoon and of course I was in a car full of co-workers for lunch! I took the call regardless and had to "play it cool." I'm sure the doc was a little surprised that I wasn't freaking out...but he gave me the results and told me to get scheduled to come in for BETA #2 on Monday.

Are you ready for it????

He told me I had a great number for day 9 post transfer and my HCG was at 120!! My progesterone was at 15.8.

I completely blanked out...forgot to ask about my cold, my thyroid, scheduling my next appointment...so as soon as I got back to the office, I called the clinic back and got my next test scheduled for Monday at 8:40am. I also talked to the nurse about my cold and thyroid...They did tell me if I feel like I'm getting an ear infection or have a fever that lasts more than a couple days, I need to go to my general practitioner and get put on an antibiotic. The nurse said to make sure I tell them I'm pregnant....SAY WHAT? I asked her to say it again. She said to tell them I AM PREGNANT and they should know the proper medicine to put me on to not endanger the little peanut. If it is bacterial, it needs to be treated...versus a viral infection. So, we should be good to go! Phfeww!!

Pray for a good BETA #2!