Infertility: A Thorn in My Side

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." - 2 Corinthians 12:9


This post is deep for me...I usually don't go into the dark corners of my brain but at church this past weekend, we spoke of our weaknesses and how God uses these weakness to teach us lessons in order to help us grow and be better people. We were asked to pinpoint our greatest weakness and think about how God can use this weakness to make us better, wiser, deeper and stronger. 2 Corinthians goes so far to say, "I delight in my weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. For in our weaknesses and difficulties, God's power will shine through."


I asked myself what technically qualifies as a weakness, because I must have a TON. We tend to try and change our weakness whether they be emotional, physical, relational...we try to hide them from others because we are ashamed and embarrassed. They let us know that a weakness is any limitation that we wish we didn't have and that often times we can do nothing about. Lust, lying, overeating, over drinking, etc. are not weakness...but, physical limitations such as illness, hearing/eyesight issues, etc. are. Age is a limitation. There are relational limitations...spouses aren't supportive, troubled children, etc. There are also emotional limitations such as depression, anxiety, worry, loss of temper, etc. This is just pointing out a few...but, these limitations are what God has allowed for us, for whatever reason (that we probably don't understand...at least I don't).

This resonated with me and all that kept creeping into my mind was cancer and infertility. These are my greatest weaknesses. From a more overall perspective, illness is my greatest weakness. Our culture makes us believe that we have to do things and conquer all odds alone. From the ripe old age of 16, I cried out to the Lord and told Him that I can NOT do cancer on my own. I can not conquer this burden alone and asked him, "WHY ME?" I wished I didn't have my illness and wanted to change it all. I pleaded with God that he would take this illness away from me...it was a "Thorn in my side." But, if God's power shows up best in our weakness, why would God take it away?


With His help, we conquered that battle yet to find another one He had placed in my path. Infertility. Again, a limitation, a weakness that he has allowed in my life that I can not change but wish were different. I again pleaded to Him, asking Him to take this away from me...it was another "Thorn in my side." I continually tell myself that He has a bigger plan for me and that all this is happening for a reason. Recently, I also had a friend tell me that regardless of the outcome given to me in my life, I find a way to get around it and change what people tell me and do what I can, to get what I want.

A weakness can actually turn into a strength and forces you to focus on other areas of your life to make you stronger and better overall. I am a stronger and better person overall because of what I've been through. I wouldn't change anything as I look back at where I was and where I have come. Everything happens for a reason...even if we don't know what that reason is.