Labor Day

Lets go back a day...Yesterday, they had me come back in to check my lining since the donor did her trigger shot on Saturday night. In the hopes that all would be good and we'd move forward, they wanted to double check to ensure the thickness was where they wanted it to be. Well, long story short...it wasn't where it was supposed to be. The nurse said it didn't move at all. Still stuck at 5 mm (like it was on Monday, earlier that week). I was in utter shock and disappointment, asking myself WHAT NOW? It didn't make any sense because they did a blood test too and my estrogen levels were higher and they are supposed to be directly correlated. So, I walked out of the clinic with questions, some I didn't even know I should've asked, and sadness thinking this was it. Everything was over. If my lining wouldn't get to where it needed to be, we couldn't put a baby in there. And at the appointment, no one told me otherwise...but, I didn't ask either. The nurse did tell me that I needed to continue to take my Estrace and patches but to NOT start my PIO shots. She said that Dr. C would call later that day to touch base on a plan. 

I kept it together until I got to the car and I just broke down...I bawled, I asked why? I realized how many darn roller coasters, ups and downs, were involved in this crazy process and asked myself if I could keep going, if that was even possible. I have never yet, felt so devastated and I walked away from the appointment angry and sad...just a few emotions to name. I was mad at my body and kept asking why it doesn't want to work right. I honestly shouldn't have gotten my hopes up because usually this is how life goes for me. As time passed, I cried, I tried to sleep, hubby held me while I sobbed, the dogs licked my tears...but then the nurse called for the doctor and told me that they want me to come in again on Friday to get rechecked. Since my estrogen levels rose and the trial I did before got me to where I needed to be, the doctor wasn't giving up hope yet and said I just might need some extra time. She said they were still doing the egg retrieval and hubby would still need to come in for his "sample." BUT, I was still confused...how would this work now? I need to do the PIO shots 6 days before a transfer and they didn't want me to start that but still want me to come in on Friday? I hung up the phone and told myself to "trust the process" but was still so out of it. 

So, now I'm frantically searching for natural tips on how to thicken my lining on my own (on top of the estrogen)...I went out and bought more vitamins E and B...I got some of that red raspberry leaf tea and pomegranate juice. I'm going to give it all I got on my own...because they didn't change a thing for me on the prescription side. But, M to the rescue...I called her to vent and ask her to help explain what was going on because I was so bewildered...Even though she doesn't work at the clinic any more, it doesn't take away her experience and technicalities. She literally talked me off the ledge and told me it was crazy to think this was the "END." She said this happens often and it doesn't mean things are done...there are many things they can do to get linings ready and mine is just being stubborn. Being the doctor didn't call himself and they didn't put me on any new meds, they are pretty confident that the lining just needs a little extra time. And if it's not ready, they will freeze the eggs and just do a frozen transfer as soon as my lining is at it's peak. She said this sometimes even works better because your lining is ready and you don't necessarily have the stress of matching cycles, etc. If my lining isn't where it needs to be Friday, they might just start over from scratch and see what happens. BUT, if it grew to where it needed to be before, it will again. This conversation put me at ease...somewhat. It helped me realize that this wasn't the end of the world and they would just tweak the plan as needed until they get to where we need to be. So, I need to have faith that things will work out the way they are supposed to. What needs to happen doesn't necessarily abide with my timeline and I just need to trust everything will be OK. 

Inspirational pep talk coming....(best video ever)

So, on a long holiday weekend, many people out there are probably enjoying time at the lake, out on a boat, picnics in the park with family or catching up on last minute things they want to get done around the house...but, we are making babies. That's somewhat funny to say...it's Labor day and we're making babies today.