Self-Sabotage?

Last night, I had a heart to heart with myself in the car on my way home from the ball game downtown. All I could think of was drinking beer, eating fried food, and stopping at some fast food venue on my drive home to get "snacks" because I just wanted to eat. "Chicken McNuggets, fries and a strawberry shake, please!"

For some reason, I can't snap out of my awful habits or at least stop thinking about them even when I have such a huge goal right in front of me! I honestly think my brain is self-sabotaging me and I don't really know it or recognize it. I mean, we are going to have our first transfer in September...SEPTEMBER. You would think that my excitement and desire to be healthy, live my life, and reach my goals would be top of mind, an easy task to accomplish with such great news. But, even though I think I'm excited and I think I'm ready...my brain might be freaking out, subconsciously telling me to eat crap, drink shiz, and not exercise because that will have a negative affect on my transfer and potentially not give us a baby. WHEN THAT IS NOT WHAT WE WANT!

Yes, I'm freaking out. Yes, I'm scared. Yes, I'm nervous. Yes, I'm sad. Yes, I'm happy. Yes, I'm excited. Yes, I question every decision. Yes, I question every THING. But, this has been a goal of mine for 10+ years, so why is it so hard for me to switch off the bad habits, the negativity, the craziness in my brain and CONTINUE TO REACH MY GOALS?

I've been working on becoming more balanced, losing weight and eating healthy and for some reason, as soon as we gave the "OK," all of that went to the crapper! So, like I said, I had a little heart to heart with myself last night. I had to regroup and tell myself that regardless of what's going on...I need to make the best decisions for myself, my family, and my baby. I need to realize that "not being included" in something is far LESS important than making my body unbalanced and potentially screwing up a transfer. I need to continue on my journey to health gold, continue to exercise, continue to eat well because I'll need to do that when we're pregnant anyway (the best that I can). So, from this day forward, until the transfer and from then on out, I will make good decisions, I will NOT feel "left out" because I know I'm making the best choices for our family and I will remember that there is a far larger goal and plan other than the "right now!"

....and, YES, I will need reminders, so please HELP! :)