Well, it's been a while...lots has happened and I'm not sure how in depth I'll go but wanted to provide those of you who follow this blog an update.
On Labor day weekend, we found out that my lining was continuing to be sluggish however, we moved forward with the egg retrieval and fertilization. Since my lining wasn't cooperating, the plan was to watch the eggs after fertilization and check my lining again on Friday. Regardless, we would need to freeze everything because my body wasn't in line with the timeline. On Friday, I went back in again to get checked....again, no good news. This time there was fluid in my lining and there was still no change. This was more devastating news and I know many of you out there have been through far worse but the roller coaster ride has brought me so much joy and sadness and has taken a huge toll on my heart and body. I had so many questions and so much didn't make sense...I was angry, sad, curious, anxious, upset...you name it.
We also found out that they were only able to retrieve 9 eggs from the donor. Out of the 9 eggs, four fertilized and of those four, three made it to the stage where they could freeze them for future implantation. This isn't the best news and doesn't give us much to work with in the future.
But, after all the news, I've gone into a downward spiral of sadness, depression and questions of what I really want, what choices I have made and what I want in the future. I want a break. My body isn't ready and it may never be ready. I'm not physically or mentally ready or available for this process and just want some time off. This might sound selfish but if there are broken pieces in my life, I can't just put a band-aid over them and move forward by bringing a baby into this world. I need to address everything head on and figure stuff out. I need time to figure out how to love me and then, move on to the next steps of loving another person.
So, that is it for now...I'm not sure when I'll update again. BUT, thanks for checking in and when I know what's to come, I'll let you know.
Im sorry this cycle didnt bring the outcome u were seeking. We have no control over what happens in an IVF cycle. It sucks & we become hopeless when our journey isnt what we expected. Dont lose hope just yet those 3 embabies can become your miracle babies.
ReplyDelete