Up until this point, I have been somewhat calm...friends have actually made comments about how relaxed I seemed and level headed about the whole situation....you know, bringing a child into the world that you've basically been yearning for since the age of 5. I'm not sure what is happening this week, but good Lord. I wake up in the middle of the night with worry; during the day, if I don't feel this little peanut move as much as the day before, I freak out. We even felt the baby on the outside of my belly this week and you'd think that would be a huge exciting relief of JOY. But, now, every day I don't feel it or maybe I'm just not paying attention, I FREAK OUT.
I try to self meditate...to calm myself down...say a prayer, basically talk myself off the ledge and remember what is here and now. Usually that works but I'm not sure why this is happening all of a sudden. I want this pregnancy to be about the JOY and miracles it took to make it happen. I don't want to worry, be afraid, anxious or concerned.
I think we're finally realizing how long it took to get this far and how much was put into this baby. The money, the time, the tears, the laughter -- 12 years ago, when I was going through my battle with leukemia, I never knew the repercussions it would have and the spiral we'd be sent into when trying to start a family. Now, it's coming full circle and I just want to be thankful that we had options and that we got this far. But, instead my mind is going to deep, dark places that I don't even want to reiterate in writing or verbally.
My mantra from here on out? See below.
**Bumpies are updated!**
It just blows my mind that you are 22 weeks. And I get that fear. Oh how I do. One day at a time. That's how I had to do it to manage my horrible anxiety that something was going to go wrong. But it sounds like everything is just going so great. I love the bible verse.
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