Our "Family" Friend...

By now, if you've been reading my posts and "story," you know of our "family" friend who was able to get us into the fertility clinic to see the doctors and get another opinion. You may or may not be wondering who this person is, how we came to know one another, etc. but it's an integral part of the story and when I look back over my life, I would never have guessed it unless a fortune teller came up to me and said, "THIS PERSON (insert name here) WILL BE YOUR GUIDE TO CHILDREN REGARDLESS OF YOUR PAST HISTORY."

Lets go way back....when I was a wee lad my parents were on the outs. I was about 10 years old and things were crumbling to the ground like an avalanche had just rumbled down the mountain side...with the stress of my brother and his condition, this put additional stress on my parents, my mother was depressed, I was pushed aside to go stay with my grandparents and eat away my feelings. My brother has a severe syndrome called PKS...Pallister-Killian Syndrome. I'm not going to go into crazy details but he basically functions like a 6-month old baby. He can't walk, he can't talk, he can't communicate...if he's hungry, he cries. If he's happy, he laughs. It's literally like that of a baby. He's wheel chair bound and can not take care of himself. He has seizures and symptoms similar to Cerebral Palsy. If you want to learn more, feel free to check out this link: http://www.pkskids.net/

With that being said, they got divorced and all fell apart...my mom, brother and I moved and so did my dad. We stayed in close proximity and still stayed with my dad every other weekend and Wednesdays. But, life went on...eventually, my dad started dating again and met "M" - she was from a rival town about 20 minutes from my home town, had two children...the same age as myself and my brother. They started dating and one thing led to another...we were going to merge the two rival households into one with marriage numero dos aka two. This was a task in itself...I was a pre-teen along with M's daughter, so hormones were raging...My brother and her son, were the same but different so things weren't too bad there...but, still...they tried shoving each of us in the same room, girls with girls...boys with boys. My dad moved away to the rival town and commuted to work...when we stayed with him, we had to do the same. Made things pretty tough to get around, go to school, see friends, etc. And of course, there was fighting...M and her kids "owned" the house...it was their house, their rooms, their food, their water, their stuff...I felt like a guest and my dad wanted it to be my home, but it never felt this way. I literally would have to ask to have food, bottled water, if I could sit on my dad's bed. I remember stealing tampons from the master bedroom because I was too afraid to ask. Things were just different and this caused a resentment in me, almost hatred for the way things were and how we were treated. I really don't think it was recognized because when I'd bring it up, even to this day, my dad tells me I'm overreacting or that never happened. But, it did.

This is how things went for a good 6 years...we grew together, laughed together, fought together...but, then I got sick and shit hit the fan again. My parents had to actually talk and deal with stuff...M wanted to be included because she was a nurse and needed to give her input. This put my mom over the edge and more fighting occurred...they seemed to hate each other. My mom would say crap about M and M would get mad at my mom...seemed like they were always at each other's throats and my dad just sided with M all the time regardless of the situation. Yes, this was all going on when I was battling cancer, going through chemo treatments, radiation treatments, bone marrow transplants, you name it. Again, this was the straw that broke the camels back...eventually my dad asked M for a divorce that she didn't want after 10 years of marriage...I don't know the whole story, what happened or why they split. All I know is that I had this horrible hatred in my body for this woman. I'm not sure what it was and I still can't put a finger on it...but, it was probably because I felt like I felt like I was in a "normal" family and then my heart was ripped out on the floor and I blamed her for everything. AND it was my fault, or so I thought, because I was going through cancer stuff and broke my families apart. I held onto this grudge for a long time...a couple years. It tore me apart inside and I think it made my mom a little happy...sad. As the years past and I grew up....things got better, feelings got accepted and pushed aside. I had a sudden urge to just forgive M even if I didn't really know what I was so mad about. So, one day I just sat down at the computer and wrote an email to M explaining my frustration and forgiving her for whatever happened in the past. The day I sent this letter to her was actually M's birthday...she said it was the best gift she had ever received and was so glad all was better and that we could move forward...After this happened, my mom actually sat down with M and hashed things out...they got on the same page, understood one another and are now actually quite close friends. We actually all went on a trip this past winter to Mexico...that's how strangely normal it is. Crazy, I know. My dad hates that we all love each other and hang out now. He really doesn't get it but I really don't care :)

I bet you've guessed it by now..."M", my step mother once removed, the woman I was afraid of, the person that stole my dad from me, is our close "family" friend that decided to pick up her life, get a new job in the city at the fertility clinic because of us, because of my story, because of everything we went through. She is the one who got us into the clinic, that gave us options, that made us talk to the doctors. She is the one that still helped me through the tough times growing up...from boys to cancer to you name it. She's literally my second mom, even with our ups and downs. She's helped me get to where I am today and I'm truly grateful for everything that happened. 

Looking back....I never, ever, ever would've guessed or even dreamed that we'd be where we are today. I never thought we'd have other options, I never thought we might actually be able to get pregnant, I never thought that M would be the one to get us there...I never thought she would be that person. It is a true testament that everything happens for a reason. People come into your life when you need them most...sometimes for a specific reason, a season or a lifetime. M will be in our lives forever and whatever baby comes out of these struggles will have the privilege to call her Gramma M.