THE CALL.

I was out and about today during my lunch break running errands without a care in the world. It was about 1:00PM and I deliberately turned down lunch options with co-workers to run some errands and be alone. I was on my way to Target when the phone rang, around 1:10PM, as I pulled into the parking lot...the number that popped up on my phone put me in a dead halt. It was the clinic. Since I spoke with them a week or so ago, I didn't really expect them to call again being we didn't have or need any additional details...all the tests were done, they had everything they needed. So, my heart started to race and beat out of my chest...I almost didn't answer and let it go straight to voicemail. Then I thought, "It's probably M just calling because her cell wasn't working and she had to talk to me about something." But, then I thought that was stupid because she's never ever called me from the clinic. So, I picked up the phone and said, "Hello." I knew it was going to be the donor coordinator...I knew this was going to be THE CALL. There was no other reason for it. I had a feeling deep down in my bones. This was it.

I was right. It was the donor coordinator. She was calling to tell me she had a match. They had a match for me and my baby. I honestly didn't know how I was going to react and have thought about this exact situation many times in the past. But, I never knew how it would go...I just kept playing out different options in my head. I felt like I was on a 9-1-1 call and being the emotional basket case that I am, I automatically FREAKED OUT. At first I just sat on the phone, stunned...no words would come out of my mouth. It was so "Homer Simpson style...Doh!!!!!!!". She literally asked me if I was still there and to answer her. I explained my shock and disbelief that this was really happening upon which I kept getting more overwhelmed, excited, scared, happy, nervous, anxious....all at the same time. I began to hyperventilate and then got teary...I literally bit my tongue and told myself to "HOLD IT TOGETHER"...but, this is something I've been waiting for since I was a child. My dream of becoming a mother was within reach, fingertips away. She calmly tried to talk me off the ledge...reminding me that all I had to do right now was listen. When I finally calmed my breathing down, she proceeded with reading me the donor profile. Piece by piece, attribute by attribute, education, activities, family history, genealogy...everything you could think of.

After this, she explained to me the next steps...she would email me the details and I would have one week to talk, think, determine if this was the donor we wanted to go with. Hubby and I would need to get back to her by Monday with an answer. One WEEK. If we said "No" or didn't get back to her by then, the donor would go back into the pool and we'd be back on the list.  Again, I was in shock. How could we make this huge of a decision in a week?? Do we nit pick everything? Do we say YES or NO even if the details are exactly what we want? Do we just say YES and go for it? Also, how the heck are we going to pay for this???? I mean, we haven't done anything because we never thought we'd get to this point...we thought we had more time. Good Lord.

I hung up the phone after we were through and that's when the real water works started. The people in the Target parking lot probably thought I was a crazy woman sitting in my car crying...oh wait, I am :) I mean, the NOT PRETTY Crying...the snotting on myself, hyperventilating crying...the "OMG. I don't want anyone to see me" Crying where my face is all puffy and my mascara is running down my cheeks. The "OH CRAP, I have to go back to work looking like this" crying. GOOD LORD. AND THEN, I had to call Hubby because I couldn't keep it together through the rest of my work day without telling him.

So, I called him. I probably should've calmed down first before dialing...before he answered the phone at work. He probably should've ignored my call. Then I proceeded to word vomit while crying on him to the point of him saying (in his "I'm so serious engineer voice"), "Can you please settle down? Are you OK? I can't understand a word you are saying." I told him about the call from the clinic. About them finding a matched donor (as I kept hyperventilating). He was basically silent. Stunned I'm sure. Didn't say much so of course I took it personally and started to say, "Please don't be mad..." Then he proceeded to say, "We can talk about this tonight when you get home." That was that. Did I mention I was a crazy basket case? Because, I started texting him..."Are you mad?" "I'm sorry, I didn't know it would happen this soon." He then let me know that he didn't understand why I was sobbing and why I was acting like someone was dead when this should be a good thing...good informational updates. He also reminded me that he was at work and couldn't have an in depth conversation about this right now.

Good Lord. What a day. My contacts are glued to my eyes because I've cried so hard this afternoon. I'm trying to work but all I can do is blog. And now I have to go home to have this chat with Hubby and I'm sure I'll be like, "YES! Lets do this. This is the one." and he'll be like, "Hmmm...maybe there is something better." Oh the drama...but, finally some AWESOME news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!