...so, I pay the outrageous price for the Estrace (after insurance, mind you) and I start taking the pills. I am on for 20+ days and then I stop taking the pills and have a "period." Then, I get back on the pills and do it all again, for another two months. When we found out how expensive this medicine was, we asked if there was an alternative...and apparently, they wanted me to NOT use a generic brand because it didn't produce the same results. To get the BEST results, we had to pay the BEST price...or worst price. Keep in mind, my body has an insane imbalance in hormones since my ovaries don't work properly and since my cancer treatment. This Estrace is supposed to build up my uterine lining to see if all is working correctly and gauge whether or not I'd be able to carry a baby.
Note, I haven't had a "normal" period since 2006...two years after my bone marrow transplant. I was basically a non-bleeder and it was magnificent...to me. But, I was young and didn't realize the awful impact not having a cycle played on my body. I didn't know there were hormone issues, I didn't know that I should be taking replacement hormones, I didn't know that it would have long-term effects on my body 10, 20, 30 years down the road. No, no one told me that...the lovely people who told me I was infertile and to go on living, told me nothing.
But, I digress...I got on the Estrace and my body actually liked it. I felt better, I felt like I was more whole than normal...I had a normal period. Not a crazy, I'm cramping and wanting to kill someone period. But, just a normal, I'm flowing type...it was pretty easy. People even came up to me and asked what I was doing because I looked good and like I WAS LOSING WEIGHT?!?! Crazy...Let's step over into the conversation for a second... WEIGHT. Weight has been an issue for me my whole life. Since I was a kid, I always wanted Twinkies and Sunkist...when my parents got divorced, I was a 10-year old fatty who was pushed to Grandma and Grandpa's house for comfort and pizza. That grew with me along with my waistline through grade school and into high school. I started sports and then I got "athletic" -- I wasn't fat, my dad just said I had a lot of muscle and was "big boned." Isn't that nice to hear when you're 15 years old..."Oh, you're just big, boned..." NOT OK. But, it really wasn't too bad...then I got sick with AML...my weight fluctuated, it went up and it went down. I went into the hospital at 145lbs, got up to 180...then after my transplant, dropped 60lbs in under 3 months...then my body freaked out...I couldn't eat anything without throwing up (as a side effect of all the treatment, they said?) and got down to 104lbs...which is WAY TOO SMALL for someone who is 5'4". Then, when things got better, I gradually was able to introduce food back into my diet and put on weight...I went from 104, to 115, to 125 (which felt perfect for my frame)...but, of course, I couldn't stop...I kept gaining...kept going up and up and up. Now, 10 years later...my body hates me and I'm almost back to my "Fat cancer" weight. Ughhh....I've never really been able to lose weight the right way or gain any of my "muscle" back that I lost with all these ups and downs. Ish -- I'll get back to this later on in this wonderful story :)
The doctor said if Estrace worked and it did help me build up a lining, the goal was to have it be anywhere from 6mm to 8mm in order for us to have "options." So, I was scheduled to go back into the clinic and do another one of those transvaginal tests to take a peek at my uterus to see what the verdict was. I was nervous...I was shaking. I really wasn't until I got to the clinic, went back into the dark ultrasound room, took off my pants and put my feet in the stirrups. "This was it...if this doesn't work, we're done. There are no other options." All I could hope for was the best and G-Damnit, I needed some good news for once. The tech came in, did the tests, made little marks on her computer, clicked this and clicked that. Then, she just burst out...like a squeal. It was very frightening because I had no clue what was going on..."are you ok??" Good Lord. Then, she just yelled..."THEY TOLD ME IF IT WAS GOOD NEWS I COULD TELL YOU RIGHT AWAY AND IT'S GOOD NEWS!" Before she even went any further, I just burst into tears...the probe was still stuck up inside of me, I was convulsing on the table while the lady was screaming at me. AND I didn't even know what was going on....She told me that my lining was at 7.2mm. They wanted it to be above 6mm and I was at 7.2mm, 7.2MM!!!!!!
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