We're back...after our six month break, we're back. We were cleared to be put on the donor egg list and now we had to make some big decisions. Some more big decisions. You may be asking, what exactly are we doing with donor eggs or what the program is...truth be told. there are many instances where people have undergone early menopause, beat cancer and survived the therapy that went with it (like me), have diminished reproductive organs and can't produce viable eggs resulting in pregnancy. In many of these cases, people could choose to use eggs from someone else...known or unknown. If a couple elects to go this route, an egg donor is found/screened and once chosen, the donor would undergo an IVF cycle, her eggs would be fertilized by the patient's partner or sperm donor resulting in embryos that would be transferred to the patient. This is one of the most successful ART procedures available today if the eggs of young women are used.
We were given a packet of information full of financial details and had to complete our genetic screening recommendations for our donor. I never really thought we'd get to this point...I hoped. But, didn't think it would come to this. We sat down and went through the list....evaluating myself, my eyes and eye color, my hair and hair color, my skin and skin tone. Do we want our donor to have brown eyes? brown hair? olive colored skin? How tall should they be? How athletic? What kind of body? What kind of education? How did they grow up? What's their medical history? I never really thought I'd have the chance to play a part in all of this...and really, I ask myself, should I? It's not really my decision or my husband's decision on what characteristics our child should have, how they should look, etc. Whose decision was this? Definitely not ours. Are we chancing fate? This is God's decision...but, he brought us here, to this point, and we're just following the "path" regardless of where it leads us, good or bad. So, we wrote down our desires, what we thought would be the best choices...a calmness came over me when doing this because I thought to myself...maybe I'm saving my future son or daughter's life...being able to screen or not use my genetics may be helping our future child. Not because I don't appreciate and love my geneology, it's just that my family history isn't the most "Clean" - my brother has a severe syndrome called Pallister Killian Syndrom/PKS - it's an abnormality of a chromosome which induces him with siezures, being wheelchair bound and functioning like a 6 month old baby even though he's now, almost 25 years old. He can not walk or talk, he can not communicate with people normally, other than crying or moaning if there is an issue. This is a genetic malformity that hasn't had much research...we don't know if it could be passed on, generation to generation. Also, my mother is a breast cancer survivor...it is not shown to be a link in our family but, with her having it, I'm now at risk along with her sisters. My grandmother has had heart issues and has had two surgeries recently to help prolong her life and sustain her life-giving muscle...by using a donor egg, we would be eliminating all of these possibilities from occuring in our future child.
My husband of course is perfect...and so is his family. He's never had a cavity, never broken a bone...never had to have braces, always had straight A's. Yes, he's quiet. Yes, he doesn't like to talk in front of people or it's hard for him to come out of his shell. But, he is good and he is healthy. So, I want his genes to get passed along for years, decades, generations! Back in the day....he would've been a king and I probably wouldn't have made it very long...but, anyway...I digress.
We filled out the papers...we turned them into the clinic and Dr. J turned in her "approval" as well...we had to have professional, up close pictures taken so the clinic could start to find our match, our egg...the one the looked most like me. That represented me in the best way possible. Are you wondering why we aren't picking out our own donor? Some clinics allow this...some allow you to pick out your own donor, to see their faces, and pair that with their medical histories. But, some don't and I actually prefer that...I'm do not think I would like to know who is giving me their eggs to make MY baby...I don't want to know the person, I don't want to see them. I don't want to invision my husband's sperm fertilizing their egg. I just don't. It'd be too personal. I want distance, I don't want to know her. I just want to thank her.
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